Walls Between Us
by vespalynd
Summary: Half conscious, Eren hallucinates about an incident at training camp. Breach arc manga spoilers. Mikasa/Eren. Erwin/Rivaille. Ongoing.
1. He's gone

A/N: My new multi-chapter fic, Mikasa/Eren. Love this pair. SnK created by Isayama Hajime. Please note, spoilers to very latest manga chapter released.

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_He could feel the dying pulsation of muscles contracting around his left arm and upper body. Rhythmic like a weakening heart organ, occasional spasms quietening to a dull silence. He couldn't open his eyes. They were glued shut like painted over windows. If only he had that little ounce of strength to rend a crack… but his body felt drained of all movement, captive in the ragged remains of his Titan body. He knew instinctively when someone drew him out of its shell. There was so much noise… _

_He faded out..._

…_and came to. His throat was filled with the pungent aftertaste of coagulating blood and humidity, his scalp burning cold from from exposure to… a swift wind? Was he on the move?_

_Numb feeling returned slowly to his back. Through he haze, he could feel something large pining him in place and preventing his slide to the earth far, far below. A grasp that was neither benevolent nor hostile. Before he could make sense of this strange thought emptiness reigned. For a long time…_

…_until, drifting in the swirl of darkness, his weightless form travelled toward the light of a memory._

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"If I tell you why, will you promise me something, Eren?"

"Can't you just ask? It's the_ third _jam time this week and I don't want to break my neck on a _tree _before I kill a single-"

"-Because I want you to _listen_ to me!" Mikasa grabbed his offending hand and flung it off her shoulder so hard he could feel the immediate strain in his shoulder ligament. The semi darkness around them was lifting. He could vaguely make out the glint of a metal harness buckle under the collar of her shirt, damp with drying perspiration. And Mikasa's inscrutable eyes looking at him. He didn't need light to know they were two clear pools of beautiful, inky hazel.

"I'm listening," he replied quietly, after a moment. "Sorry. We're both tired."

Mikasa sighed and indicated to their left. A narrow, rough track running downhill. "It'll take us three hours to travel back without gas. Let's go."

As they reached the desiccated riverbed half a kilometre down, he tried to break the silence: "What did you want me to…?"

She ignored his question and began following the riverbed at a brisk jog, leaving behind a trail of dust from crushing the dry, flaking mud underfoot. "It's thirty laps if we're late for the Terce bell."

Her behaviour confused him. He was well used to Mikasa'a candidness. It defined her. She spoke her mind at her own leisure, self assurance so steeped in her bones that no one could have less than absolute confidence in her words and ability. In a world where absurdities reigned and death beckoned, she was a grounding force. Even Eren felt uneasy when that rock shifted.

He could see her struggling with something in the past month, despite it being no different from the previous eighteen. There was a heightened intensity to their exercises, but they were almost final year trainees. And Mikasa was prodigious in every task. He could not pinpoint the source of her internal anxiety.

Yesterday morning, she requested that he accompany her for this advanced night exercise, despite his prior assignment as a team leader for the younger recruits back at base. Mystified by her sudden demand, yet accustomed to trusting their star student, their superiors had mutely allowed a reassignment.

His gaze fell to the large pouch tied to her body, knocking against her hip as she moved forward. It was filled with calamint flowerheads for fever and german chamomile for tea. She had found everything herself, leaving him feeling like a hinderance the entire night, and what with his equipment failing…

"I think the launcher would stop jamming mid-motion if you launched a more controlled swing. Remember, our ropes have an ultimate tensile strength. You need to be aware of how much elasticity and length they have and use it accordingly. I'll show you on the tower this afternoon."

Eren jerked to attention, almost ramming into her as she stopped and turned abruptly. He raised his head to Mikasa's expression of sadness. "What's wrong-"

"Eren, when you run to fight your Goliath, could you not run so far that I can't catch you? I'm not going to hold you back, but sometimes I feel…"

He couldn't move as she reached out and pulled him closer, hands grasping the base of his skull. "...sometimes I think you'll disappear. And I wouldn't know until after the fact."

Eren breathed a sigh of relief and shrugged off a twinge of guilt. He should have guessed. "You forget, mostly I can't keep up with you." He reached up to detangle her fingers from the back of his neck.

She leaned forward.

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Eren opened his eyes, phantom fingers trailing his shoulders, ghostly lips leaving a sweet, heated imprint on his.

He turned his head to the sound of a deep voice. "Yo, Eren. You awake?"

Reiner. The traitor.


	2. Exterior

A/N: Thanks for the amazing reviews guys. I really enjoyed reading them. Deathmakesapoet is my awesome new beta, thank you bb for all your input! SnK created by Isayama Hajime. See my endnote for further credits. Latest chapter spoilers.

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_Dive for dreams or a slogan may topple you. Trust your heart if seas catch fire._

He was out there somewhere. _Dive for dreams..._

She exhaled. _Trust your heart, if seas catch fire._

Before the Titans breached the wall for the first time, Armin would talk about oceans alight with flames, far, far beyond Wall Maria. And Eren always spoke of seeing it with his own eyes. Of reclaiming the land beyond the wall for humanity. It made Mikasa feel so alive just remembering his voice, brimming with passion and enthusiasm. As the pursuit team cautiously rode towards their destination in a wide formation, Mikasa found a moment of calm within its centre. The orange sky, the billowing clouds. They almost looked like plumes of smoke from large fires beyond the visible horizon.

_You promised to reclaim our birthright. Stay alive, Eren! That's all I ask of you!_

The moment subsided and she knew that it was a lie. No, she wanted _more_. She thought of his salty lips dry against her open mouth. And of embracing his body with hers.

But Eren made it clear to her that he wanted none of it. That morning, he pulled away abruptly and walked away with a word, his expression unfathomable. They never spoke of it again.

_Deep down, he must know what a selfish woman I am. Why do I feel so surprised when he leaps forward without so much as a backwards glance at me? Eren is a wild spirit, demanding that the world allow him to run free. The thought of leaving me makes him happy. What do I offer, but shackles to bind him to the Earth? What do I offer, but a reminder of his weaknesses? _Her heart throbbed with pain and self contempt_. I just want what I can't have. What I don't deserve._

She bit her lip. _Eren! Where have they taken you?_

A messenger from the forward reconnaissance detachment appeared ahead. Mikasa spurred her horse forward to listen in on the report to Commander Erwin. As the entire center cohort slowed, Erwin turned his horse to face her and nodded slightly. Immediately, she snatched a flare from the small of her back and shot a pillar of green light straight up into the air.

Left, right and behind her, relayers a distance away mimicked her action. Soldiers blew hard out of their noses as the caustic smell of sulphur settled. The outliers will now know to halt and take cover nearby while continuously scanning the surrounding terrain for Titans.

In the three hours since leaving Wall Rose, they had been able to employ the formation with great effectiveness. It was a tighter circle, with Erwin commanding that they dispense with heavy supplies for the sake of speed. A few normal Titans had been sighted and were avoided without incident, but it cost them precious time. The journey so far had been a safe one, boosting everyone's morale considerably.

But they all knew what terrors lay ahead. It had been apparent for while that they were playing catch-up with the Titans trailing Eren, Ymir and their kidnappers. Only the insane would chase a concentrated horde of mindless monsters, inexplicably drawn the titan-shifters like moths to a flame. The insane, or the determined. She looked askance at Jean, who had dogged her heels for the better half of the expedition so far. His was an expression of barely disguised _rage_.

The messenger reined in her horse and saluted with a snap. "Commander, The plateau ends in another ten minute's ride. The land dips down into a riverbed. We believe the giant trees across the river are the ones we're looking for…"

"Did you see any more tracks?"

"…Parts of the riverbank are freshly damaged, sections collapsing into the water. We're not sure about the targets, but it seems a large number of Titans are there, ahead of us."

"Yet we've seen so few …" Erwin muttered. Lips drawn tight, he studied the map Hanji had given him. "Could we get the horses over?" At her nod, he closed his eyes for a moment. "There's no choice, we'll have to check those tall trees. I'm calling a ten minute stay, and then we proceed with our first plan."

More signals went off, and the bulk of the unit took shelter in the only small patch of woods in sight. They were able to maintain three-sixty visibility due the advantage of flat terrain and sentry teams in all directions.

Mikasa quickly dismounted, loosening the saddle-belt of her chestnut a notch and withdrawing a small bristle-brush from the saddle bag. She began to rub the animal's flanks over in circular motions. It was panting heavily. "Good girl." The beast sunk its head wearily to the ground.

Jean drew alongside her. His expression was calmer now. "I didn't ask before, but are you in one of the drive teams, or the main skirmish line?" he began, usual stiffness around her less pronounced. "Wait, forget I asked, it has to be a drive, right?" He tried to laugh a little.

"I've been assigned to the team cutting off their escape, by circling around the forest." Mikasa replied quietly. It could all go so wrong. She stopped and leaned on the horse a little, touching her temple. It was starting to hurt again. The thought of failure made her head throb.

After a moment's silence, Jean sighed. "Don't worry too much. The brat will be okay. He may be stupid as hell, but he certainly doesn't know when to give up. I'll give him that much."

Mikasa looked at him in surprise. She had never heard Jean say anything nice about Eren before. They were always warring with cocksure words and fists. Twin sides of a sword, forged from the same steel. She almost smiled. "With our supplies, we only have one shot at this."

_Our objective… was the total elimination of humankind._

"Let's make it count. '' Jean said as he gave Mikasa's shoulder a squeeze. His eyes glistened with determination.

Two simultaneous blasts sounded. Red signals exploded in the sky ahead. Animalistic moans sounded in the distance. The sun sinks in just over an hour.

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A/N: _Dive for dreams…catch fire_ is a poem by E. E. Cummings. Information on manoeuvre warfare retrieved from _Infanterie Greift An _by Erwin Rommel (Hajime's muse, probably. Also, Erwin is the official spelling). I pre-empted so its not going to make sense when 46 comes out. This story will run along a parallel tangent then back into canon where there is opportunity. Thanks for reading and suggestions are always welcome!


	3. Composure

A/N: Thanks again to my beta deathmakesapoet for his help. Do read his great multi-chap, Tears of a Titan! SnK created by Isayama Hajime. Latest chapter spoilers.

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Erwin often lived through moments of blinding clarity. Most scouts experienced the same. It was a side effect of living in the Cycle, perilously at the edge of death. They were all highly strung, nerves stretched so tight that sometimes it hurt to talk. Accumulated pain and silence bred clarity. Sometimes clarity meant life.

Sometimes panic was quick to replace it.

So it begs the question, how many expeditions make a veteran, collected in all situations? How many comrades must you violently lose before the visceral human fear of facing an overwhelming predator fades to calm, even during the critical moments of a brutal, existential struggle? He could never say. There were no clear numbers in this game. Many fought and died without ever finding their balance in mortal combat.

Looking around, he saw too many pale faces. Riders who clutched their leather reins tightly with one hand and the handle of their left blade with the other, heedless of the risk. They would rather be thrown from their seat than to relinquish the comfort of cold metal for one moment. Soldiers lacking the strength to free themselves from the chains of terror despite full awareness that fear could slow the brain, that fear was also an enemy.

_Just look to Ackerman. Look to her example, those of you trembling in fear. _The girl had dropped back down the formation but a quick glance over his shoulder showed her lithe form, eyes sharp like a hawk, watchful as the terrain around them gave way to rocky hills. The pinnacle of competence. A rookie who could put his best to shame. Erwin hoped she would survive the night. Not with any sentimentality, of course. He could never afford sentimentality.

_Who are we all but tools?_ Rivaille had said one night two months ago, wet hair dripping into a basin on the table, filled with soapy water. _But I digress. _He tilted his head back to look at his Commander, who stood close behind his chair, staring down at him. _It seems that you're not in the mood for an excursion into the human heart tonight, from that look on your face? _

Erwin had answered by smoothing the pads of his thumbs over the corporal's dark circles. _How many hours did you get last night?_

_Two_. A comfortable silence as Erwin's deft fingers moved to the temples, applying pressure. _You use me too. _Rivaille had whispered_. But it's not an accusation. I don't blame you. I blame them._

Jolted from his reverie, Erwin felt the sensation of danger in his chest cavity a split second before his mind could compute the knowledge. _Three o'clock_. Without warning, a monstrosity unfolded itself from the foot of a shadowy hill, its position partially hidden by large boulders. They rode straight by at a gallop. Erwin saw it clearly as they passed. A seven-meter deviant, haunches trembling with power. It had _hidden_ from his outriders? _And_ _it was too close, goddamn._

The river loomed ahead, a physical obstruction. They could not make a quick escape while retaining the formation. The Titan would surely kill all the stragglers hindered by the water crossing. A few involuntary moans of despair rose from his ranks as giant feet began to pound violently against the earth. _Boom boom boom boom–_ the sound grew closer before it suddenly desisted– had it launched itself into the air? Then there was a gust of dusty air and a loud, resounding smack of flesh against the ground. A horse screamed in pain but Erwin didn't look back._ We need to buy time, or the center will be ripped apart._

'Out! Spread OUT!' Jonah bellowed, riding hard alongside him, away from the hill. "Eyes forward and scatter you fools!" In response, riders rapidly dispersed in all directions.

Erwin felt another pang in his chest as he sensed his first lieutenant drawing rein, slowing his horse. As he broke away from Jonah's horse, flanked by two others in his vanguard, there was a pop behind them as Jonah used his flare. Erwin fought the urge to turn back. But as Commander, he could not die now. _That brave man. But he is likely done for._

Soon, they were out of sight and the group haphazardly reconvened by an open stretch of the riverbank. The giant tree forest loomed close across the water. Erwin signaled that they cross immediately. A rider broke away from the group as the first line entered the shallow water but he had no time to think about deserters.

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The Titan had a huge mouth filled with overcrowded rows of teeth. It suffered from a grotesque overbite and did not seem to be capable of fully closing its jaws. Two bulging eyes gleamed in the fading light, madly rolling in different directions. Its disproportionately small feet struggled for purchase on the loose, rocky surface of the hillside, bleeding and smoking. Intently, the deviant launched itself again and again at the figure moving with inhuman agility to evade its outstretched arms and flying pebbles.

Mikasa was on foot, having had her horse ripped out from under her.

Jean gasped for breath as he watched from the distance. The air currents carried the choking stink of steam downwind towards him. His scent was hidden until the wind direction changed, but he must act quickly nonetheless. Mikasa was only alive due to the scant protection the uneven terrain offered her. And the deviant was forcing her away from the hill and onto more even ground. By all appearances, she was attempting to circle around it with no success.

_You're good at sizing up the situation. And you know immediately what has to be done. _A voice said cheerfully in his head. Then: _Trainee,_ _do you know his name?_

God. Why was he remembering that now? Jean's skin stung uncomfortably from the sudden temperature and humidity change. His fingers felt numb. He dug them sharply into his palms. _Wake up! How can I help her?_

He frantically scanned the landscape, noting the setting sun to the west and the trajectory of Mikasa's movements. His heartbeat steadied.

Taking a deep breath, Jean dismounted and slapped his horse on the rump. Its ears stood to attention and at his urging began cantering away from the fight. He turned and started running low and fast towards the shadowed indent in the earth the Titan had used for its ambush.

His feet slid hard and fast into the spot he had chosen. A quick check showed that they were coming back this way, and fast_. Bastard. I can do what you did, but better._ With a grunt, he launched his grappling hook into a protruding boulder a short distance away, punching a hole in the rock eight inches above the ground. He pulled the cable taunt and firmly tied another to its end with a double fisherman's knot. He wound the second cable once around another boulder and embedded the other grapple into the solid rock face with a muted _crack_, completing the tripwire.

Out of cable, he looked up the rock face. It was steeper on closer inspection, almost vertical towards the end stretch. Tightening the straps on his 3DMG, he studied his callused fingertips. _I can do this. _

Jean reached up and began pulling himself up bare handed, inch by inch.

Five meters and the first foothold crumbled in a smattering of loose rock. He hissed in exertion as his arms took on his full body weight. It took him a moment to successfully stabilize._ Not fucking number one- in rock climbing class- for nothing_.

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Mikasa felt strength deserting her. Her calves were cramping and her forearms were burning from holding her heavy steel blades upright. Her legs pumped beneath her with another short burst of speed as the Titan lurched forward once again. It was impossible to shake, as if it had a visual lock on her body. Five forceful attempts to circle around it had failed. Everytime, it turned around immediately to match her movements, as if it _knew_.

_Is this how I will die, meaninglessly? Alone? Without seeing Eren again? I don't want that._

Her gas canisters felt light, almost empty . If only she could reach its shoulder without getting caught…

_Found it! An opening!_

And then she suddenly felt herself tripping, landing heavily on the ground. In the chaos, she heard rather than saw the Titan also lose its footing and begin to fall. Stunned and momentarily paralyzed, she could only close her eyes.

Nothing. Then a loud and savage yell as the cloud of dust settled. She opened her eyes again but could not focus her vision enough to make out who the attacker was. Her ears were still ringing. The numb sensation in her head gave way to the dull pain of a head wound already bleeding into the gravel. The pain in her leg was excruciating.

A pair of hands added to the pain. She felt the burning grind of bone against bone and suddenly the throbbing tension in her leg eased. She could hear Jean's voice_. Let me look at your head_.

She tried opening her eyes again. This time, they focused on the now smoking carcass of the deviant and a chill washed over her. _There is something strange about it_…

'I'm okay. Jean, help me up. It was just a dislocation. You fixed it. Hurry, I see something over there." Mikasa's voice was husky and urgent.

They grappled a little as she shakily stood. She took stock of Jean's appearance. His tawny eyes sparkling with adrenaline, his bloody hands.

"You saved me, Jean."

With a grimace, he offered his shoulder wordlessly. _I almost killed you, you mean._

They staggered together towards the corpse. Upon reaching it, Jean drew his blade and slashed open the blackened flesh where she pointed, at the jugular. Inside, Jonah's motionless body lay lodged just inside the throat. For an unknown reason, it had held the solider there without swallowing him. By all appearances, Jonah had suffocated, heavy fists beating on its root of its tongue to no avail.

A horrifying end. Shocked, Mikasa fell on her knees and tried to pry his jaws open. "If only I could clear his throat of this mucus…"

Jean intervened. "No. Stop, please. Mikasa, he's already gone." He lifted her back up by the waist and turned her around to face him. "And we're out of time. Look at the sun."

Mikasa looked over his shoulder. "But I think we still-"

"-And if we can't, you've already done enough. The best job anyone could have asked for." He pulled her closer and tucked her fringe behind her ear, long fingers skirting the open wound on her forehead with care. "Come, I'll set your leg for you." He whistled sharply, paused and whistled again. "It'll take a while for the horse to come back."

A few kilometers away, Ymir woke to angry yells.

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A/N: Better watch out, Eren.


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